"Oh I'm gonna be wounded
Oh I'm gonna be your wound.
Oh I'm gonna bruise you.
Oh you're gonna be my bruise."-Duncan Sheik
Learn from the past. Last time you said someone was going to hurt you, you were right, but you stayed and you got hurt. In fact if I remember correctly you said something along the lines of, "He's going to hurt me, and it will destroy me. But it will be so beautiful. The destruction will be so amazing and total, but worth it." It wasn't quite worth it, honey. Sure you were right, but in the end did you really have any idea what you meant when you said he would "destroy" you? Regardless your hind sight is 20/20.
"For we are always what our situations hand us
It's either sadness or euphoria"- Billy Joel
There's rarely a middle ground with you. You're either a lover or hater. You can find that happy medium. Another one of the exes is about to have a kid. They've found their life, they're steady, you're a year younger than them, yes, but you're not steady. Haven't been since you left the first one. What's wrong with you? Was it because of him that you haven't been able to find a place and stick it. You tried, but we went over that moments ago. I can tell you want it, really I can. I see the way you look at him, the way you pine for him. But you either love him or you hate him. Never in between. What is it today? It's love? And tomorrow? You don't know? You never know. You're like that, why do you always just leave it up to chance? Why don't you make the cards fall in your favor for once? Reach out and grab it for yourself, instead of waiting for it to come to you?
"Say my name, say my name, say my stupid name?
Its stupid how we always seem to do it again, oh.
Youre so stupid and perfect and stupid and perfect.
I hate you, I want you, I hate you, I hate you, oh."-The Bird and The Bee
At least you stopped lying to yourself finally. Did you tell him that? Oh really you didn't? I can't say I'm surprised. You've always been this way. It's never helped you, ya know? To not tell people how you feel. Of course I realize that it's a coping mechanism you've developed. And understandably so. I mean if I'd been berated and destroyed every time I told my father how I feel about our relationship.... Isn't that what adults are supposed to do? Talk about how they feel? Well, anyways, it doesn't mean that everyone is going to be like that. In fact I think he may appreciate knowing how you really feel for once. And no mincing words anymore okay? Saying things like, "true deep and honest feelings" just doesn't have the same ring to it as, "I love you." While maybe you don't like making the implications, you should. It's about damn time you try and do this again. Well, I know you've been trying, but there's something different about this one isn't there? I can see it all over you. I understand.
"Now they'll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won't let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars" -Duncan Sheik
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