~Chap$tick & Change~

So I'm at the end of a bad stretch. After a friend and co sup quitting and dealing with an idiot as my partner in the store for two weeks plus a nine day work stretch I'm proud to say I'm still here. Still trying to stay positive. Today's been rough. I miss people. I miss family and friends. I'm looking at old pictures and realizing that I'm going to miss out on a lot. Is it really worth it?
I can't deny that this is worth it. I found out today that my math credits that I've failed time and time again COUNT AS CREDIT AT IUS!!!!!! Meaning I don't have to take another damn math class EVER!! And I'm working hard to try and get into the music school. Hopefully by January I'll be in and performing again regularly. I'm feeling positive. I'm looking forward to life as a starving artist. I'm feeling like an adult.

I'm going to miss out on a lot with the people I love. I don't know what I'm going to do about that yet. They are my life. My bloomington friends. They've become part of my soul and I've removed myself from them. I'm scared that I'm ruining us. And if we do fall out it will be my fault, because I'm the one that took this drastic step. I have to go to school full time and I'm going to have to work as close to full time as I can. Will that leave time for two hour both way trips to Bloomington? Will I still succumb to the depressive problems that made me take this step in the first place?

On top of all that I'm feeling very very removed from someone and it's making me a little crazy like it always does. I shouldn't be such a maniac about these things, but I can't help it. I'm a maniac. Looking at old pictures make me want to cry and throw up at the same time. It all feels like a break up. Maybe it is.